[andyf117]

There's more...
....during a follow-up to my initial phone call to them at mid-day, I hooked the car up to my battery charger - connecting pos to the battery and neg to a piece of bodywork (nut on top of front strut) as instructed. When I turned the charger on the alarm went off, the charger's needle was jumping around crazily, and the sidelights were flickering like mad - it took half-a-dozen attempts to silence the alarm by inserting and re-inserting the key. At some points, the driver's window had opened - half-way at first, and then fully...
....the charger then settled down, and went into a repetitive cycle of 3-4 seconds all the way over to the right (past the 'max' rate) accompanied by clicking and whirring noises from the car, then flicking all the way to the left (not charging) and staying there for 12 seconds. When I checked it half-an-hour later, it appeared to have settled at a steady charge rate just below the max - but an hour later, it was back to a repeating cycle, but this time 3-4 seconds on (with clicks and whirrs), and 30 seconds 'off'...
....after two-and-a-half hours hooked up, there's still nothing whatsoever when I turn the key - no dash lights, nothing. Have had to tape plastic sheeting over the wide-open driver's window - and hope my RAC breakdown cover extends to transporting the car 15-16 miles back to Volvo tomorrow...