I Have Returned...

[Foeux]

Dear Friends,

I’ve been away for a while (3+ years ish). My last volvo vas a chipped diesel v70 in pink. I loved that thing but the keyway on the crank pulley gave out and it was goosed irreparably. That car was not my only volvo but it was my favourite one. In the interim I’ve had several other motors that interest me. I am a bottom feeder of the car market. I like cheap cars and have enjoyed about 30 in my 13 year long driving career. Between my last volvo and this one, I’ve had an mx5, a bmw 325ti, a ford puma, and a very pleasing lexus ls400 as well as a t5 v70, a 940 turbo etc...

I am afflicted with a terrible perversion which is only worsened by friends with the same predilection for older cars as me. We use whatsapp to share cheap and interesting finds with each other. A healthy dose of peer pressure often sees one of us acquiring another non-essential toy.

Well, it was my turn. I spotted the car in question on ebay and was initially beguiled by the price, the colour and the patina. I then noticed the plate – M895OTH. I love moths and have done for ages. It was written in the stars – I had to have it. It was vicar owned and this pleased me even more. The hit show “This Country” has a vicar in it who drives a 940 estate. I doubly had to have it.

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1995-Volv...rdt=true&rt=nc

It cost £561.11. It was too much really. It has short MOT and is cosmetically rough. On collection, it was clear that it was filthy inside. Worst case scenario, I overpaid for a plate I like. Worse things have happened at sea. I also have a fantasy about putting the 1UZ V8 from an LS400 into a volvo 940. Favourte powerplant in a maximally practical car – perhaps the moth mobile would be the car to do it to?

I am never mad for cleaning cars. I use them and don’t mind them looking used. That said, I was disgusted by the moth-mobile. This is not a judgement on the previous owners – who knows where their priorities lie? However, I was not happy putting my son, partner or pals into it without it being cleaned.

I’ve been watching some detailing videos on line. One particularly good chap is based in Blackpool. He seems to specialise in taking utterly foul cars and then restoring them to amazing condition. He usually removes seats to get the job done well. I bought the volvo the weekend before 2 weeks holiday and in light of all the COVID-19 social distancing and self isolation it represents a perfect puzzle. The first thing I did was clean the steering wheel, not in a fit of hand-washing obsession but in acknowledgement of it being very dirty indeed. I threw the microfibre away. It was full of pestilence and plague (allowing for exaggeration).

I removed the seats to find mess like I can’t describe properly. Thick dust and grime, atop discarded business cards, receipts, sweet tins, pens, coins, vegetable matter, food crumbs, dog hairs etc. Despite the mess, the smell was not bad at all oddly?! I suspect it had classical volvo duties as I found a Worther’s Original wrapper.

I am lucky that my partner works for a vacuum cleaner manufacturer and we have one that was fit for the job. Seats out and full grime exposed, I hoovered (wrong corporate eponym) up the initial dust everywhere. I then began to antibac every surface before doing some really serious hoovering. I emptied 10 vacuum cylinders of filth out of the thing all told. The satisfaction was great and I videoed every step to show to pals and family. Funny how much discussion springs up around a cheap, grubby car in times of WFH and uncertainty. I also shared every video with my nan: 86, fit, sharp as a pin but definitely in the firing line. It’s keept her distracted.
The most sickening things I ‘did’ were the headrest covers. They were thick with detritus. I washed and rinsed them 3 times by hand with a potato masher in a mop bucket. They were then machine washed on the ‘obliterate’ function They are fresh and clean now thank goodness. I was surprised that they were not replaceable. The zips were just melted shut at either end. The solution was tiny zip tie stitches. Hidden and did the job.
I acknowledged that it could do with a mechanical look-over but without a certificate or condemnation from the MOT man, I didn’t want to go nuts. Filters purchased I set about changing things. The air filter was covered in oil. There is no way it can suck oil in so it must be pushing oil out. Volvos are notorious for PCV issues so I discombobulated it, cleaned it out and replaced it. I also replaced all perished vac hoses. The most glaring problem was the vacuum line between the flame trap and the inlet manifold. The vac hose itself was perished and the little spigot on the flame trap itself was completely packed with oil deposits. I didn’t have a new one so I soaked it in petrol then ran a small drill bit into it. It is fiddly but doable. Cleaned out – nice.

In removing, checking and cleaning everything, I saw that there were some things I could probably do to make it a nicer place to sit and to help it pass its impending MOT.
1) Horn – not sounding well. Rusted away, corroded connections. Nicked the alarm sounding horn and hey presto. It won’t fail MOT on horn and sounds nicely discordant now.
2) Wiper blades. It had some spares in the boot. 2 min job. Can’t fail wash and wipe.
3) Fix radio. The fix was easy, the removal was hell. They aren’t kidding when they say anti-theft. It took a lot of persuading and bodging with modified hacksaw blades and screwdrivers. Eventually the problem was identified as a loose fuse in the back. Fuse re-seated, radio works. I now play the birdsong cassettes it came with.
4) Deep antibacterial clean of all surfaces.
5) Had a look at the auto-illuminate function in the boot light. Couldn’t get it to work.
6) Began to ‘gunk’ the engine bay but also wanted to change the fuel filter…..
The fuel filter was a pig. The first new one I put on leaked like hell. After a lot of swearing and attempting to redo it, I identified dirty unions and overtightening like a cross gorilla to be the problems. Second filter works really well and seals beautifully after cleaning the unions with very fine emery paper.
With my progeny, I removed and cleaned the sun visors today. The pale plastics didn’t wear their mileage well. They were covered in horrible finger marks and more cack. They are now as new, replaced and disinfected.
MOT is tomorrow; I’ll let you know how it goes. Just given it an Italian tune up. I’ve loads of photo and video if anyone is interested. Big stack of history on it.

Part of me thinks it is wholly irrelevant to start a new project now. Dark and uncertain times lay ahead for many, possibly all of us. I know many people can’t even afford one car, regardless of how cheap and simple they can be. I am not entirely happy with my hobby and how excessive it is to some. However, the motoring industry is in its swansong. I want to experience as many cheap, older cars as I can before they are all gone or unattainable. I hope I am amongst pals here…

Spec below thanks to Marc.

1995 model year

Colour: 411 PLATINA BEIGE METALLIC
Upholstery: 6212 TRICOT PLUSH BLACK

Options: 000043 AIR CONDITIONING

Volvo Service History
26/10/95 @ 10313
27/11/96 @ 16661
05/09/00 @ 64554
04/09/01 @ 75001